Play is not play at all if one child is left outside of the box, confused, and hurt. He has no idea where his reality ends and where the “play” is supposed to start. ...
Now in this post I want to explore what happens when the parent is breaking the rules of play. Every year around Christmas time the debate over Santa Claus comes up. Psychologists have written articles on it, parenting experts get asked about it, and I have been asked about it. Is it healthy to let your child believe in Santa? The rules of play and the philosophical points I'm mentioning in this blog thread surprisingly never come up in discussions of Santa Claus.
Now this post is not meant to turn into a Santa Claus bashing rant, nor am I a hater of the fun world of Santa Claus; however just because families have been doing this for over 100 years (primarily in the United States) does not mean it's a good idea. There are so many ethical and biblical problems with Santa Claus, it's hard to list all of them here. (I'm not even going to mention all additional problems with the new fad Elf on the Shelf!) So I am keeping my focus here in line with my previous posts. Here is my main problem with Santa Claus-- the parent steps into the world of play, but the child does not.
This is the only consistent time in a normal family life where parents purposefully and knowingly fib to their children. Lying by definition is a purposeful distortion of truth or reality to another person without their knowledge or consent. In other words the other person by default assumes that you are speaking reality or truth. This is not the same thing as telling a story to your child. When you tell a story to your children, you maintain the rules of play. You provide vocal cues so the child knows you're telling a story. For some reason, around Christmas time, parents lose all reasoning skills. They create a pretend box in which they step inside, yet the child is on the outside trying to make sense of the story. The children are still in a world of reality. The children are not let in on the game. If you were to overhear children playing in a similar fashion on any other pretend scenario, you would probably say something to the child who was instigating such an unbalanced play. You might say something along the lines of, "Does Tommy know you are playing?" or "Aren't you afraid that Tommy will be hurt when he finds out you're kidding?" Why do we not question ourselves when adults do it around Christmas time? This breach is an ethical problem and it breaks your child's trust.
Parents excuse themselves because they remember their own childhood reactions to Santa as fun. But not every child reacts the same. Your son or daughter may not be so forgiving when they discover you've been fibbing-- even if your intent is a loving one. The adults who create a reality around Santa will tell family and friends that they remember how magical Christmas was because of the fantasy. If they do remember learning the truth about Santa as somewhat painful, they chalk it up as a growing experience. They even talk about the "waking up" step as a necessary initiation to "growing up."
Each phase of a young child's life is so important and the child's parents are their whole world. We have one shot at preparing our little ones' hearts to love the Lord who is Truth and Reality, why would we risk breaking such a tender spirit and instead plant a seed of hurt and distrust?
I would not want to take such a risk. For the Santa loving parent, here is my heartfelt caution... Later in your child's life as you share the very real magic of Christmas and the miracles God has wrought, your child will view that belief as another Santa, "Why should I believe in that miracle? You said Santa was real too......"
Below are a couple of articles that are important reads. If clicking on the links do not work, copy and paste the URL.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/think-well/201209/is-telling-kids-santa-claus-is-real-bad-idea
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/12/05/santa-claus-innocent-fantasy-or-harmful-lie-2/
The next post will explore how to enjoy Santa and Christmas "magic" without breaking trust or boundaries of play.
Recently a woman told me that she was sharing Santa with her child because she loved the magic when she was little. Then she admitted that once she found out about Santa, Christmas wasn't as much fun. This is the sad result of so many grown children. A feeling of lost "magic" when they never had a firm grasp on the real magic to start with... I couldn't really tell her my thoughts, but I wanted to say, "That is my point exactly" -- Lost magic and now your child won't know the miracle or magic of Christmas either. It will continually perpetuate a generation of luke warm christians unless they find the Lord on their own which is my prayer.
ReplyDelete